JimBob
12-25-2008, 07:27 AM
20 worst: Lions and Tigers and Yankees, oh my!
By The Picker
Published: 12/25/2008 2:40 AM
Last Modified: 12/25/2008 4:32 AM
And now, without further regret, the 20 worst things in sport:
20: TU doesn't play baseball.
With the old Driller stadium and the new park (that for some odd reason has the hitters facing into the prevailing wind), there are plenty of available bases.
19: Wimbledon.
With Kryptonite rackets, it's like target practice.
18: NASCAR.
More flags than at a soccer game.
17: The New York Yankees.
They're not hated because they win, they're hated because they're disgusting.
16: Missouri Tiger major sports.
Right there with Iowa State.
15: Detroit Lions.
Somebody bail out the poor fans.
14: Big Ten football.
Their legs don't move fast enough.
13: Monday Night Football.
Are you ready for some sleep?
12: Anonymous referees.
From the stadium to a witness protection program.
11: Sports anchors and reporters paid by the people they cover.
Check's here, and now the top story in sports.
10: Butler Cabin at the Masters.
Tipsy old guys amid the divots.
9: ESPN SportsCenter anchors.
Nerds on parade.
8: Poker on TV.
Texas Hold 'Em is a variation of the kid game War, big card wins a throwdown.
7: Fouling out in basketball.
Leave the stars in the game. Send them to a penalty box. Not the showers.
6: Pulling players off the free throw line at basketball.
Plan A: Tell the players to stand still on the line and don't foul.
5: Moving the basketball, free of charge, to half court in the NBA.
Why don't they go ahead and move the free throw line in a couple of feet.
4: Not fouling at basketball late, leading by three.
Forty percent of 3-point shots go in; foul, and you win about 100 percent of the time.
3: BCS.
Primarily for gamblers.
2: Picks winding down for another year.
We'll blog away the boring in-between season.
1: The pass interference penalty in the NFL.
A good completion rate is 60 percent; yet 100 percent of the time on NFL pass interference calls, it is assumed the ball would have been caught.
Nothing like a subjective 48-yard penalty on a 50-50 pass to let the wrong team win.
The college penalty is perfect.
PICKS
Friday Bowl
Motor City Bowl, Central Michigan (-6) versus Florida Atlantic: Detroit in December; bowl swag is a Bunsen burner.
Central Mich over depressed tourists by 7.
Saturday Bowls
Meineke Car Care Bowl, West Virginia (-1 1/2) versus North Carolina: Gamblers Anonymous has operators standing by.
WV by 3.
Champs Sports Bowl, Florida State (-5) versus Wisconsin: Big Ten embarrassment continues. This is a recording.
Florida State by 7.
Emerald Bowl, Cal (-8) versus Miami: Shouldn't change the streets of San Francisco.
Cal by 1.
Sunday Bowl
Independence Bowl, Louisiana Tech (-1) versus Northern Illinois: One of our favorite bowls, formerly the Weed Eater, appears to have gotten unlucky with the weather: It looks great for game-time. This one is much more entertaining when contested among the hail stones.
On football skills alone, it's right there with the AAAA state championships.
Tech by 3.
Monday Bowls
Papajohns.com Bowl, Rutgers (-7) versus North Carolina State: Nothing says eastern football like a minor bowl.
Rutgers by 4.
Alamo Bowl, Missouri (-12 1/2) versus Northwestern: Missouri quarterback Daniel is a senior, hello grad school.
Figure the Tigers bed checks to be around 4 a.m., they'll be that interested.
Missouri by 9.
Humanitarian Bowl, Nevada (-2) versus Maryland: The humanitarian thing to do would be to paint the Boise field green.
The ESPN coverage of TCU-Boise State Tuesday night was, as we have come to expect, biased in favor of Boise, and horrid.
Thanks for winning, TCU.
Nevada by 3.
Texas Bowl, Rice (-2 1/2) versus Western Michigan: W. Michigan's bowl party just went by in two station wagons and a van.
Rich by 3.
Holiday Bowl, Oklahoma State (-3) versus Oregon: One of a handful worth watching.
Must wonder why OSU people are giving the loss of the defensive coordinator a second thought, as the defense is terrible.
The rumor is Oregon will go with either its Seasick Foam pale green uniforms, or the Green Bean bright threads with squash-colored trim.
This is what a bowl should be, long, for more commercials, and pointed, with an over-under of 100 reachable.
Oklahoma State 50, Oregon 49
New Year's Eve Bowls
Armed Forces Bowl, Houston (-3 1/2) versus Air Force: In Fort Worth.
No, really. You can look it up. It's in Fort Worth.
Houston by 2.
Sun Bowl, Oregon State (-2 1/2) versus Pitt: Authentic recipes, root canals, El Paso and the surrounding area have a little something for everybody, frequently at bargain prices.
Pitt by 3.
Music City Bowl, BC (-3) versus Vandy: Taps.
BC by 6.
Hindsight Bowl, Kansas (-9) versus Minnesota: Man, we should have played better and gone somewhere fancier.
Correction, Insight Bowl.
KU by 1.
Chicken Bowl (we will not misspell anything else at the expense of America's youth), Georgia Tech (-4) versus LSU: How the mighty have fallen.
Deservedly so, may we add — couldn't happen to a bigger bunch of brats.
No quarterback, no LSU game.
Tech by 1.
Sunday
Dallas at the Eagles (-1 1/2): Seems the Dallas obit was at least slightly premature.
Lots of reputations on the firing line here, the overrated offensive coordinator who can't figure out a way to get one to one of the best receivers in the game, the coach who seems about to cry, the choking quarterback.
Cowboys by 4.
Giants at Minnesota (-6 1/2): Former OU star Peterson seems to have taken on something of a big shot mentality, fumbling, then jawing at coaches as though it hadn't been his fault.
He dropped something valuable last week, the MVP trophy.
Minnie by 4.
Miami at the Jets (-3): It appears the old Favre trade helped nobody but the opposition.
Miami has to be out of good luck.
Jets by 9.
Denver at San Diego (-8 1/2): Should be a double firing at midfield before or after the game.
San Diego by 6.
By The Picker
Published: 12/25/2008 2:40 AM
Last Modified: 12/25/2008 4:32 AM
And now, without further regret, the 20 worst things in sport:
20: TU doesn't play baseball.
With the old Driller stadium and the new park (that for some odd reason has the hitters facing into the prevailing wind), there are plenty of available bases.
19: Wimbledon.
With Kryptonite rackets, it's like target practice.
18: NASCAR.
More flags than at a soccer game.
17: The New York Yankees.
They're not hated because they win, they're hated because they're disgusting.
16: Missouri Tiger major sports.
Right there with Iowa State.
15: Detroit Lions.
Somebody bail out the poor fans.
14: Big Ten football.
Their legs don't move fast enough.
13: Monday Night Football.
Are you ready for some sleep?
12: Anonymous referees.
From the stadium to a witness protection program.
11: Sports anchors and reporters paid by the people they cover.
Check's here, and now the top story in sports.
10: Butler Cabin at the Masters.
Tipsy old guys amid the divots.
9: ESPN SportsCenter anchors.
Nerds on parade.
8: Poker on TV.
Texas Hold 'Em is a variation of the kid game War, big card wins a throwdown.
7: Fouling out in basketball.
Leave the stars in the game. Send them to a penalty box. Not the showers.
6: Pulling players off the free throw line at basketball.
Plan A: Tell the players to stand still on the line and don't foul.
5: Moving the basketball, free of charge, to half court in the NBA.
Why don't they go ahead and move the free throw line in a couple of feet.
4: Not fouling at basketball late, leading by three.
Forty percent of 3-point shots go in; foul, and you win about 100 percent of the time.
3: BCS.
Primarily for gamblers.
2: Picks winding down for another year.
We'll blog away the boring in-between season.
1: The pass interference penalty in the NFL.
A good completion rate is 60 percent; yet 100 percent of the time on NFL pass interference calls, it is assumed the ball would have been caught.
Nothing like a subjective 48-yard penalty on a 50-50 pass to let the wrong team win.
The college penalty is perfect.
PICKS
Friday Bowl
Motor City Bowl, Central Michigan (-6) versus Florida Atlantic: Detroit in December; bowl swag is a Bunsen burner.
Central Mich over depressed tourists by 7.
Saturday Bowls
Meineke Car Care Bowl, West Virginia (-1 1/2) versus North Carolina: Gamblers Anonymous has operators standing by.
WV by 3.
Champs Sports Bowl, Florida State (-5) versus Wisconsin: Big Ten embarrassment continues. This is a recording.
Florida State by 7.
Emerald Bowl, Cal (-8) versus Miami: Shouldn't change the streets of San Francisco.
Cal by 1.
Sunday Bowl
Independence Bowl, Louisiana Tech (-1) versus Northern Illinois: One of our favorite bowls, formerly the Weed Eater, appears to have gotten unlucky with the weather: It looks great for game-time. This one is much more entertaining when contested among the hail stones.
On football skills alone, it's right there with the AAAA state championships.
Tech by 3.
Monday Bowls
Papajohns.com Bowl, Rutgers (-7) versus North Carolina State: Nothing says eastern football like a minor bowl.
Rutgers by 4.
Alamo Bowl, Missouri (-12 1/2) versus Northwestern: Missouri quarterback Daniel is a senior, hello grad school.
Figure the Tigers bed checks to be around 4 a.m., they'll be that interested.
Missouri by 9.
Humanitarian Bowl, Nevada (-2) versus Maryland: The humanitarian thing to do would be to paint the Boise field green.
The ESPN coverage of TCU-Boise State Tuesday night was, as we have come to expect, biased in favor of Boise, and horrid.
Thanks for winning, TCU.
Nevada by 3.
Texas Bowl, Rice (-2 1/2) versus Western Michigan: W. Michigan's bowl party just went by in two station wagons and a van.
Rich by 3.
Holiday Bowl, Oklahoma State (-3) versus Oregon: One of a handful worth watching.
Must wonder why OSU people are giving the loss of the defensive coordinator a second thought, as the defense is terrible.
The rumor is Oregon will go with either its Seasick Foam pale green uniforms, or the Green Bean bright threads with squash-colored trim.
This is what a bowl should be, long, for more commercials, and pointed, with an over-under of 100 reachable.
Oklahoma State 50, Oregon 49
New Year's Eve Bowls
Armed Forces Bowl, Houston (-3 1/2) versus Air Force: In Fort Worth.
No, really. You can look it up. It's in Fort Worth.
Houston by 2.
Sun Bowl, Oregon State (-2 1/2) versus Pitt: Authentic recipes, root canals, El Paso and the surrounding area have a little something for everybody, frequently at bargain prices.
Pitt by 3.
Music City Bowl, BC (-3) versus Vandy: Taps.
BC by 6.
Hindsight Bowl, Kansas (-9) versus Minnesota: Man, we should have played better and gone somewhere fancier.
Correction, Insight Bowl.
KU by 1.
Chicken Bowl (we will not misspell anything else at the expense of America's youth), Georgia Tech (-4) versus LSU: How the mighty have fallen.
Deservedly so, may we add — couldn't happen to a bigger bunch of brats.
No quarterback, no LSU game.
Tech by 1.
Sunday
Dallas at the Eagles (-1 1/2): Seems the Dallas obit was at least slightly premature.
Lots of reputations on the firing line here, the overrated offensive coordinator who can't figure out a way to get one to one of the best receivers in the game, the coach who seems about to cry, the choking quarterback.
Cowboys by 4.
Giants at Minnesota (-6 1/2): Former OU star Peterson seems to have taken on something of a big shot mentality, fumbling, then jawing at coaches as though it hadn't been his fault.
He dropped something valuable last week, the MVP trophy.
Minnie by 4.
Miami at the Jets (-3): It appears the old Favre trade helped nobody but the opposition.
Miami has to be out of good luck.
Jets by 9.
Denver at San Diego (-8 1/2): Should be a double firing at midfield before or after the game.
San Diego by 6.