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AnniePokely
10-27-2008, 08:44 PM
Horrible time here at my house. My mom slept the entire day saturday (minus about 45 mins on and off watching the game) and then again on sunday. Sunday night i woke her to tell her she HAD to wake up and eat, and take meds that we were behind on. The only reason i let her sleep is b/c she kept telling me that she just didn't "feel right."

Last night after i wake her up, with her on NO medication, she starts telling Bill's daughter Holly and I that's she's fixing to go. She says it over and over, and closes her eyes. I kept asking her "momma, what do you mean you're fixing to go?" And she started crying and telling me she was going, and she was so tired of all of this. I started FREAKING out bawling, and holly ran to call Bill. I called the RN to get out here as fast as possible. I asked her "Momma, do you want me to do cpr on you if anything happens, and she said no. I wanted to make sure she didn't want to revoke the DNR.
Bill showed up about ten minutes later, and the RN came running. Her BP was a little low, and her pulse o2 was good. Nobody knew what was going on.

Bill managed to get her calmed down, and i went out in the front yard b/c i was flipping out.

The RN told us that ESRD (End Stage Renal Disease) patients on dialysis get like that towards the end. I asked her if mom was getting worse, and she said yes.

She calmed down and went to sleep when Bill started rubbing her arms, neck and back.

This morning after taking her to dialysis, and seeing she lost 5 more pounds from friday until today, plus had a blood pressure of 71/22 i did the hardest thing i've yet to do in my life thus far. I went to the funeral home and made all the arrangements for the woman who gave birth to me, and then followed it up with a visit to the monument company where i picked out a headstone, and ordered it to be put in place. I just wanted it all done so i didn't have to deal with it all when the time comes. I'm not sure i'll be able to take all that on when something happens.

It's all done. Today was the most horrible day of my life next to the day my Nana died.


At least when i got home, Carmen (Annie's breeder) called and said she was bringing Annie over. Tammy (the RN) called her (Tammy is her boss) and told her "you need to get that dog there."

Annie arrived about 5:45 this evening, and she's the most adorable thing i've ever layed eyes on. I guess i was expecting something bigger, even thought i knew she was one pound. She is SO small it's scary.

Her and mom instantly bonded, and when i went to put mom to bed a little while ago, i took Annie in there and mom kissed her and told her "I love you so much." Awwwwww. It was a precious moment.

Annie's asleep in her carrier inside the playpen, and mom in the bed.

I'll take some pictures of mom and Annie tomorrow.


Thanks for listening.

JCS4OSTATE
10-27-2008, 08:48 PM
God Bless you Michelle.

BigBadBen
10-27-2008, 08:52 PM
Im sorry for all that you are going through.

We will be praying for you.

BackHomePoke
10-27-2008, 09:04 PM
Prayers sent. There is nothing that we can say that will help what you are going through but we are all thinking and praying for you, your mother, and your family.

Verb
10-27-2008, 09:34 PM
Oh, Michelle. But you were SO smart to take care of that business stuff now. Even in the midst of such grief and stress, you have a great head on your shoulders. Your mom couldn't ask for a better caregiver.

osupride97
10-27-2008, 10:17 PM
It is just heart wrenching to read this, but keep them coming. Writing always helps me, so hopefully, this helps you in some small way.

OSUFan
10-27-2008, 11:07 PM
Michelle,

Just know you all are in our prayers. I hope you take some comfort in knowing so many people are thinking and praying for you.

Rick

legelegel
10-27-2008, 11:16 PM
Michelle,

You may want to start writing down all the good things your Mother has meant to you, if you haven't thought about it yet.

bumpas34
10-28-2008, 05:54 AM
Annie, I don't know what to say except to tell you that I will pray for your comfort and may God wrap his arms around your family in this time of discomfort.

BourbonPoke
10-28-2008, 06:28 AM
God Bless Michelle. You and Vicki are always in my prayers. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Hugs and warm thoughts your way.

CowboyJD
10-28-2008, 06:47 AM
Stay strong sister.

Verb is right. Taking care of the business stuff now will help you in the future.

Take strength from knowing that your friends here are praying for strength for you and your mother.

AlwaysOrange
10-28-2008, 07:07 AM
As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Lean on the Lord during this difficult time....He WILL take care of you. :angel:

WyomingOSUAlum
10-28-2008, 07:23 AM
Sucks.

Tell her she's in our prayers, as are you.

barryrules
10-28-2008, 07:27 AM
Michelle I hope you know we are all there with you in spirit and are praying for all of your family during this time. Having recently spent a week with my Gramps and watching him go, I know some of what you are goign through right now. Just hang in there and you will get through this, and don't be afraid to lean on your family here for support when you need it.

Love and hugs,

Ivan
10-28-2008, 08:23 AM
I'm not good with words in situations like this. Just know that I'm thinking about you and your mom. Stay strong, I really think your mom just needs to you be strong right now. Hang in there!

Erick
10-28-2008, 08:45 AM
You are doing a great job Michelle. I am sure that you know that your mother appreciates everything you are doing for her. We will continue the prayers.

Drummond12
10-28-2008, 09:00 AM
Sending prayers for you and your mother. I'm glad she's enjoying Annie....she sounds like a sweetie.

AnniePokely
10-28-2008, 11:53 AM
I appreciate all the warm and loving wishes. I really do. You guys know that though.


Tonni,
I used to love to write, but haven't in a long time. My son and I wrote every FFA and Oklahoma Farmer's speech that he did, and they won State, First and second every year. He was even asked to be the keynote speaker for the Oklahoma Pork Congress his senior year with one of the speeches. Thank goodness he was responsible for the punctuation...*L* It was fun to do with him, but not on my own. We wrote about agriculture, and not the diaries of a dying mom. The writing i've done here is my outlet. It's either talk to myself, the dogs, or here. I choose all of you over myself and the dogs. Gosh, doesn't that make all of you feel privledged?

I appreciate all of you listening. Yesterday was tough. I don't suspect it's going to get much easier.


I'm going to post some pictures of mom and "Bella" (we changed her name) as soon as Bella wakes up from her nap. We SO needed this little dog right now.

osupride97
10-28-2008, 12:19 PM
That is cool, both of you writing together. Maybe you two can write down things about your mom. That would bring smiles to your faces.

Hang in there!

osutuba
10-28-2008, 02:01 PM
Damn, Michelle ... reading that just pulled at me and I had to hold back the tears while I was here @ work. I know it is hard, but stay strong. God is with you.

Logic5
10-28-2008, 02:32 PM
My very best wishes to you and your mom and family Michelle.

cactusjack
10-28-2008, 03:21 PM
We continue to pray for everyone involved. We wish we were closer so we could see you guys more. We miss you all.

osujane
10-28-2008, 10:45 PM
Michelle, I believe your mom is beyond blessed to have such a wonderful, loving daughter.

I pray God wraps His loving arms around your entire family.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f248/JaneAnn55/Prayingforyou.gif

OrangeFan4Life
10-29-2008, 09:59 AM
Keeping you guys in my prayers also. So glad you got to bring Bella home. They are such sweet dogs. God bless you all.:angel:

legelegel
10-29-2008, 10:24 AM
Reading this thread made me think of this song for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifobQSP-b7E

AnniePokely
10-29-2008, 01:23 PM
Reading this thread made me think of this song for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifobQSP-b7E


My mom used to sing that song to me. It always irritated the crap out of me.

:biggrin:

legelegel
10-29-2008, 02:14 PM
My mom used to sing that song to me. It always irritated the crap out of me.

:biggrin:

Where's my standing in the corner picture when I need it?

AnniePokely
10-29-2008, 04:40 PM
It irritated me as a kid, not as an adult.

AnniePokely
11-02-2008, 02:31 PM
We continue to pray for everyone involved. We wish we were closer so we could see you guys more. We miss you all.


I still have the same phone number

Poohness
11-02-2008, 04:32 PM
My prayers are with ya'll, Michelle.

osutuba
11-19-2008, 09:55 PM
Any new updates?