JimBob
09-04-2008, 08:34 AM
Chances are you will read this column
By The Picker
9/4/2008
Last Modified: 9/4/2008 2:56 AM
The following things are apt to happen according to the accompanying percentages.
Mack Brown becomes the next Phillip Fulmer for winning just enough to fool the suckers: 75 percent chance it happens.
TU makes a BCS bowl: 2 percent chance.
TU's basketball team makes the NCAA tournament: 51 percent chance.
Missouri would lose to OU using 12 defenders: 60 percent chance.
Coach Kragthorpe will be at Louisville one year from today: 10 percent chance.
Coach Graham will be at TU one year from today: 60 percent chance.
Stoops wins another national championship before he quits: 9 percent chance.
Phil Simms keeps his big mouth shut for 30 seconds: 1 percent chance.
On the Sunday night sports show, local CBS affiliate KOTV will continue to defy logic by running Tulsa football highlights third in order of importance: 88 percent chance.
Somebody can recall the Eagles, the music group, having had a monster hit within the past 20 years: 0 percent chance.
The Janet Jackson concert on a Sunday night will draw approximately 3,210 people at the BOK Center: 97 percent chance.
The new NBA team, the Thunder, will be a hot ticket in OKC when Memphis comes to town: .005 percent chance.
PICKS
Thursday
Redskins at the Giants (-3 1/2): One of the items on the pro agenda is to see if the players have outgrown the game, causing a plague of injuries; few of the players on the field here could be around in the winter.
Giants by 3.
Saturday
Cincinnati at OU (-21): Cincinnati is the best team named for a city, as Miami remains stuck in the sand, as Louisville has gone south, and as Boston College is too eastern.
Cincy is like a Big Ten spinoff, little slow, lot tough.
It played West Virginia much better than OU did last year; but then, who didn't.
Season's key element: Can Bradford take a punch?
After the game, make sure the senior citizens are out of the clubs by 2 a.m., as some Sooner athletes like to bring it through the wee hours.
OU by 20.
TU (-20 1/2) at North Texas: TU is probably wondering, where is everybody?
No TV.
No crowds.
The flip side of playing a punk schedule is that lonely feeling.
Fortunately, TU has a nice play-by-play announcer, Bruce Howard, who has the unique ability to see through piles of humanity to every single call that the refs miss.
TU's defense needs to grow.
TU by 21.
Houston at OSU (-15): Pickens has become the college equivalent of Jerry Jones and roams the sideline like he owns it.
Gundy needs to mix in a swirl with the vanilla play-calling at the goal.
Are the Cowboys' top two pass-catchers the best in the country? Entire secondaries bounce off the tight end.
What do end zone seats for this one cost, three and a quarter?
Crowd count after big Washout State win will be revealing.
OSU by 17.
West Virginia (-9) at East Carolina: Best of a pretty lousy college weekend.
Note how great college quarterbacks switch gears and go pro even before they go pro — WV's White and Florida's Tebow don't want to run anymore, they want to practice drop-back passing for the NFL.
Both are better in college than they will be on up.
WV by 7.
Miami at Florida (-21): Miami's back.
Is against the wall.
Florida by 17.
Texas Tech (-9 1/2) at Nevada: Fishy number of the week, and year.
Mighty Tech, Big 12 contender and BCS sleeper deluxe led by genius Leach, barely a touch favorite over something similar to the Unknown Comic?
Vegas odds-makers call out lousy Tech defense.
Tech by 10.
Oregon State at Penn State (15 1/2): JoePa is carried onto the field.
Penn State by 17.
Mississippi at Wake Forest (-8): Former Ark coach Nutt enjoys his parole at Miss.
Wake by 6.
Louisiana Tech at Kansas (20 1/2): Low-cal schedule has unexpected spice here.
KU by 21.
Sunday
Jacksonville (-3) at Tennessee: Vince Young vying with Reggie Bush for Pro Flop of Decade.
Tennessee by 2.
Kansas City at New England (-16 1/2): Brady enjoys a practice session.
NE by 17.
Dallas (-5) at Cleveland: Dallas is the NFL version of the Yankees, which is not praise.
After only a decade or so, it was finally decided that whereas OU-ex Roy Williams can deliver a haymaker, he can't cover a manhole. He's on the bench now on passing downs.
Dallas by 3.
Bears at Indianapolis (-9 1/2): Meatballs of the Midway not armed.
Indy by 14.
Monday
Minnesota at Green Bay (-3): Is it our imagination, or do most OU players seem to get hurt before decent NFL careers evolve?
Peterson is a threat to go all the way to the end zone or the X-ray table.
Green Bay by 6.
Denver (-3) at the Raiders: Monday-night doubleheader.
A rather sad game, this. Shanahan is barely clinging to a reputation and a job; Raider fans are about as intimidating as an old KISS.
Oakland by 1.
By The Picker
9/4/2008
Last Modified: 9/4/2008 2:56 AM
The following things are apt to happen according to the accompanying percentages.
Mack Brown becomes the next Phillip Fulmer for winning just enough to fool the suckers: 75 percent chance it happens.
TU makes a BCS bowl: 2 percent chance.
TU's basketball team makes the NCAA tournament: 51 percent chance.
Missouri would lose to OU using 12 defenders: 60 percent chance.
Coach Kragthorpe will be at Louisville one year from today: 10 percent chance.
Coach Graham will be at TU one year from today: 60 percent chance.
Stoops wins another national championship before he quits: 9 percent chance.
Phil Simms keeps his big mouth shut for 30 seconds: 1 percent chance.
On the Sunday night sports show, local CBS affiliate KOTV will continue to defy logic by running Tulsa football highlights third in order of importance: 88 percent chance.
Somebody can recall the Eagles, the music group, having had a monster hit within the past 20 years: 0 percent chance.
The Janet Jackson concert on a Sunday night will draw approximately 3,210 people at the BOK Center: 97 percent chance.
The new NBA team, the Thunder, will be a hot ticket in OKC when Memphis comes to town: .005 percent chance.
PICKS
Thursday
Redskins at the Giants (-3 1/2): One of the items on the pro agenda is to see if the players have outgrown the game, causing a plague of injuries; few of the players on the field here could be around in the winter.
Giants by 3.
Saturday
Cincinnati at OU (-21): Cincinnati is the best team named for a city, as Miami remains stuck in the sand, as Louisville has gone south, and as Boston College is too eastern.
Cincy is like a Big Ten spinoff, little slow, lot tough.
It played West Virginia much better than OU did last year; but then, who didn't.
Season's key element: Can Bradford take a punch?
After the game, make sure the senior citizens are out of the clubs by 2 a.m., as some Sooner athletes like to bring it through the wee hours.
OU by 20.
TU (-20 1/2) at North Texas: TU is probably wondering, where is everybody?
No TV.
No crowds.
The flip side of playing a punk schedule is that lonely feeling.
Fortunately, TU has a nice play-by-play announcer, Bruce Howard, who has the unique ability to see through piles of humanity to every single call that the refs miss.
TU's defense needs to grow.
TU by 21.
Houston at OSU (-15): Pickens has become the college equivalent of Jerry Jones and roams the sideline like he owns it.
Gundy needs to mix in a swirl with the vanilla play-calling at the goal.
Are the Cowboys' top two pass-catchers the best in the country? Entire secondaries bounce off the tight end.
What do end zone seats for this one cost, three and a quarter?
Crowd count after big Washout State win will be revealing.
OSU by 17.
West Virginia (-9) at East Carolina: Best of a pretty lousy college weekend.
Note how great college quarterbacks switch gears and go pro even before they go pro — WV's White and Florida's Tebow don't want to run anymore, they want to practice drop-back passing for the NFL.
Both are better in college than they will be on up.
WV by 7.
Miami at Florida (-21): Miami's back.
Is against the wall.
Florida by 17.
Texas Tech (-9 1/2) at Nevada: Fishy number of the week, and year.
Mighty Tech, Big 12 contender and BCS sleeper deluxe led by genius Leach, barely a touch favorite over something similar to the Unknown Comic?
Vegas odds-makers call out lousy Tech defense.
Tech by 10.
Oregon State at Penn State (15 1/2): JoePa is carried onto the field.
Penn State by 17.
Mississippi at Wake Forest (-8): Former Ark coach Nutt enjoys his parole at Miss.
Wake by 6.
Louisiana Tech at Kansas (20 1/2): Low-cal schedule has unexpected spice here.
KU by 21.
Sunday
Jacksonville (-3) at Tennessee: Vince Young vying with Reggie Bush for Pro Flop of Decade.
Tennessee by 2.
Kansas City at New England (-16 1/2): Brady enjoys a practice session.
NE by 17.
Dallas (-5) at Cleveland: Dallas is the NFL version of the Yankees, which is not praise.
After only a decade or so, it was finally decided that whereas OU-ex Roy Williams can deliver a haymaker, he can't cover a manhole. He's on the bench now on passing downs.
Dallas by 3.
Bears at Indianapolis (-9 1/2): Meatballs of the Midway not armed.
Indy by 14.
Monday
Minnesota at Green Bay (-3): Is it our imagination, or do most OU players seem to get hurt before decent NFL careers evolve?
Peterson is a threat to go all the way to the end zone or the X-ray table.
Green Bay by 6.
Denver (-3) at the Raiders: Monday-night doubleheader.
A rather sad game, this. Shanahan is barely clinging to a reputation and a job; Raider fans are about as intimidating as an old KISS.
Oakland by 1.